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Duck, Duck

No duck. I knew it the instant I stepped out of the house for barn chores. The familiar quack, quack that filled the air was missing. I secretly hoped he was just inside the barn taking a nap. As I reached the outdoor yard I found nothing except a few feathers. No duck. I looked around and couldn’t find him anywhere. He vanished out of thin air. Last week we lost two chickens but their death was a bit of a mystery. We couldn’t figure out how something got into the barn and why it left two chickens and a duck. We still don’t know who the bandit is, but I’m suspecting he wears a mask and will be caught in our trap very soon and relocated to the woods.

I was reminded once again that the only thing we can know for certain is that things will change. I’m sad duck is no longer with us and we won’t hear his quack, quack as he pushed the chickens around and splashed in the pond. I’ll miss his waddle as he followed me around the yard. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there wasn’t a small part of me that’s relieved too. Duck was a lot of work. His pool of water needed to be changed daily and it is quite laborious in the winter when water freezes. He added a lot of extra mess to the chicken coop. And it’s been really sad to see him all alone since his female companion died a few months back. I feel a little guilty about my feelings. But isn’t that one of the things about grief. It’s not just one feeling. It’s a whole combination of feelings and we need to work through all of them.

All of us are going through the grieving process with COVID-19 right now. For some of us it is the actual loss of a loved one. For others it’s the loss of an event or vacation. All of us are grieving the loss of our security, stability and actually seeing and interacting with family and friends. But I bet there is a small part of us that feels relief and guilt over that relief. I know I’m relieved to not have to run around and pick up kids and drop them off at activities, I’m happy that we get time to eat meals together and play games. I am seeing my kids learn in new and different ways that is not all bad. I’ve seen people all around me connect in new ways and share more than they take. Still when something is gone, it takes time to heal and move forward. But don’t worry. Even if you are feeling really bad right now. The one thing I know for sure. EVERYTHING changes. Enjoy and appreciate today.

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