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Almost April Showers

Last night was a real treat. My daughter picked up Portillo’s and my husband and I got sushi. For at least a little bit it felt like things were normal. Friday night dinner in, or out in this case. Hanging out and watching a movie. Today started with a few more curve balls. A torrential rain over night flooded our pasture and the roads leading to our subdivision. Lucky for us I guess there was nowhere to go. Then we got the message that my nephew’s wedding was cancelled. It’s not until June but I guess that’s how things are going right now. Trying to grasp this new reality is a little bit surreal. While at some moments we are relishing the time to slow down and just enjoy a night in of take out, we are suddenly flooded with rain and loss. I’m trying to remind myself that April showers bring May flowers but it’s not always easy.

It reminds me a little bit of how things first felt when we moved three years ago.  Nothing felt solid.  Trips to the store were navigated with maps because we still didn’t know how to get anywhere.  We didn’t have friends yet so we spent a lot of time together as family.  Our trips back to Minnesota felt awkward and strange.  Our friends were still comfortable, but we were staying in hotels and basements rather than our home.  Thinking back on this time I think the hardest part was clinging to our old life rather than embracing the new.  As we got more and more settled into our new reality and made Illinois home, the better things got.  Now this feels like home.  It’s still a little strange to visit MN and not be home, but it’s better.  Our relationship here and there evolved too.  Now we have friends in both places.

I think perhaps the best way to get through all of this is to stop clinging to what we are losing and what we had in the past and start to embrace what is good about right now.  I’m sure that’s not going to be easy, but it is possible.  We can’t change anything in the past and we really have no idea what the future hold. All we can really focus on right now is today. Sometimes it’s hard to see that good is coming when you are in a rain season, but we can’t give up hope that spring flowers are just around the corner.

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